Ash's blog

useless

2005-10-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

Looks like my vow to write in this consistently has NOT been fulfilled. A lot of things have happened that made me not want to take the time to journal . . . but enough of the excuses :)

It's 8am right now, I haven't slept the entire night. However, this time, I'm REALLY feeling sleepy. I don't think the 4 mile run at 6 am helped either, but I thought it would keep me awake. The post run shower feels like a sleeping pill. I want to make some eggs, but I'm scared that the damned smoke detector will go off. I swear to God, if someone gave off a strong fart, the detector would go off. Maybe I should try it sometime, lol.

So, I started watching Entourage. It's a new series on HBO based loosely on the life of Mark Whalberg that documents an up and coming actor and how his close group of people (entourage . . . there ya go!) help him make the right decisions to attain a successful career in the business. There is actually alot of insider information in the show, and many guest actors that I think make the show as good as it is. Plus, it's hilarious . . . every main character was written delightfully. I think the humor also comes from the crass, I'm from new york city type arrogance that each character has that makes them funny. I dunno, but all I know is, I watched two seasons in two days. So, watch the damn show.

Time to eat

pz

2005-10-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

I AM VERY DRUNK

TWO PITCHERS A PIECE WITH MANG YOUNG

KAYLEIGH'S BIRTHDAY IS TONIGHT

SHE HAS A GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ASS

KASSHIFF, HERE IS UR UPDATE

NICKI SROKA, WE WILL GO TGET DINOSAUR BBQ

I'VE STOLEN FOOD FROM CTB AND JASONS MULTIPLE TIMES AND NEVER BEEN CAUGHT

I AM THE SHIT

REAL

2005-09-19T02:16:00.000-07:00

Shafer is in town, glad he's here, that's mang right there. Plus, Bill Gates will be picking up my tab for this week :)

Man, I had one of the worst weekends. Well, Friday night was fine, but Saturday night just blew big massive chunks. This girl said something pretty mean to me, that I'm REALLY sensitive to, so it just killed my night. I pretty much dislike all women right now and do not want to be around any of them. I'm not gonna get into details about how I feel, because I could go on for pages, and it's not worth the time.

I have to finish a circadian rhythms presentation, and it is taking alot longer than I anticipated. The fact that the professor wants it to be very interactive makes it alot tougher to complete. Otherwise, I could just talk about the different papers, theories, and reasoning behind their conclusions.

lol, Shashi and I always talk about the same things everynight, in fact, everytime we talk, but it never gets boring! For two people who RARELY hang out, we get along pretty well. I think the common issues and paranoias that we have to deal with are the reasons we are friends.

I'm still working on catching up with the news and reading some books. I bought some cool books from the bargain section at Borders. One of them is THE BLANK SLATE, a book on the theory that human's personalities are shaped by the environment they grow up in. It's one of the two or three biggest theories concerning personality development. Hopefully it will be an interesting read.

Desperate Housewives should have won the Emmy for best comedy series :(

wait'll you see my OHHH

2005-09-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

haha

It's been a LONG time since I went to a good frat party. The music was hot, the atmosphere was grimey, and there were maaaaaaaaaad REALS wylin out. It didn't feel like a typical Jewish, WASPY white person party, so that was pretty cool.

What it is y'all, wassssssssssssssssup, can a nigga just keep in touch . . .

I still have music stuck in my head.

Yo, I have mad work to catch up on. Circadian Rhythms presentation, plus all the other readings that I need to finish before prelims starts. TRN Shafer is comin tomorrow. MADD excited to see him. Hopefully I'll have enough time to hang out with him alot. 26 credits is catching up to me. I've barely had time to go into the lab. Since the semester started, I've gone for a total of like 10 hours, which is pathetic. Looks like from now on, Sun-Tues night = me doing ALOT of work and disappearing from the house. I hate making stupid sacrifices like that.

I'm already getting depressed about turning 22. I feel as if that makes you "old". When you're 21, you're considered cool mature, and "young" since you're of legal age to drink, but that legality is still newborn. Now that 22 is approaching, the stigma will be "oh, he's already done that, hopefully he's still and ungraduate" YIKES. I dunno, maybe I will just tell people that I'm 21, lol. But, in all seriousness, I should start maturing. I mean, 22, that is full fledged adulthood. When you're 21, there is some leeway to still act childish because the "rule" is let him have his fun, he's 21, WOOOO HOOO. But at 22, you're either in the workforce or grad school, which by the way, I will not be a part of, and you must adhere to some adult guidelines. I doubt this makes any sense, but it does to me.

You will all be hearing more about this when that day approaches. UGH. I now regret not having applied to med school. My MCAT and GPA were fine, I was just stubborn about wanting to learn more (the hidden nerd and intellect ine me has surfaced).

shitty

2005-09-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today sucked

Alaram didn't go off, and I wanted to print a letter and mail it out. So, I just skipped class (surprise) to finish it. BUT, my printer got the worst paper jam and stopped working. I went to kelley's room and asked her to print it out, but her printer got messed up (half hour of wasted time sorry BUDDY!) Anyways, I just went to B's room and printed it (thanks B!). Not to mention I missed REAL world

BubbaTheSkull98: i hate takin a shit at my apartment nigga, the toilet bowl is way too shallow, so when you drop a massive deuce, you get a tidal wave of water up your ass
BubbaTheSkull98: YEH NIGGA, fuckin' blows, though i do love takin shits stoned
BubbaTheSkull98: lol
BubbaTheSkull98: you fart and burst out in laughter lol

lol, that's mah homeboy coleman, funny guy right there, LOVES his weed

happy birthday to my N Young. He turned 22

I never got to celebrate my 21st birthday, so maybe I'll celebrate it when I turn 22, yah know, do the whole turning 21 thing: drink until I throw up and pass out. We'll see though. I'm not a big birthday person and I hate all the hooplah about birthdays. There are more important things to worry about than one person's birthday. Although, I wouldn't mind having a surprise party once in my lifetime. That'd be kinda cool.

I miss reading books and having no time to read the news. I feel like a dumbass not knowing what's going on in the world, what the current state of affairs are. Plus with books, you get a good sense of how other people think, and read about the interesting stories that are out there, stories you would never hear about on the news. I like the perspectives on life that each author brings to their body of work. I dunno, I'm going to try hard to make time for some xtra reading

OIL

2005-09-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

haha, I LOVE this picture. It's a classic. I laugh everytime I look at it. This was taken at different angles, and the facial expressions get even better in those

I like how it costs $70 to get the oil changed in my car because it requires some sort of synthetic oil and special filter. Midas and Monroe don't have the filters for it, but $70 is pretty extravagant. I could have bought a barrell of crude oil for that price. Have you noticed that alot of people on campus have stopped driving their cars. There definiately aren't as many vehicles on the roads, which is good. That means if I have to get somewhere, it won't take as long :)

To showcase the shittiness of Ithaca road consturction, buffallo street was closed down all summer, only to be reopened with stupid pseudo speed bumps at some of the intersections. I thought they would have FIXED THE ROADS, yah know, repave the damn thing to remove the myriad of potholes and imperfections. Also, one of the service guys at Bill Cooke Imports was talking to his colleague and said, "Jeff, I had to put 35 gallons of gas in my truck, as soon as I filled it up, the springs collapsed. Gas weighs 7 pounds a gallon, times 35, is almost 1400lbs or gas. No wonder the springs broke!"

No, no, no, u moron, it is more like 245lbs of gasoline weight. I felt like correcting him, but I didn't want to take away the pride that the "sheer weight" of 35 gallons of gass could bring down his behemoth v-8 pickup truck. haha, townies are hilarious. I dunno what I'd do for entertainment without them.

I'm having insomnia again, so I browsed through facebook and wrote on people's wall. You KNOW i left something for kelley, amara, and beth, lol. Actually, I didn't write anything bad. I'm gonna miss those three alot when college is over. Hopefully we'll all keep in good contact with eachother. Those are mah female N's for life :)

A NEW ERA

2005-09-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

I was fairly consistent with my blog entries this past spring semester, but that down the toilet at the end of April. However, I can confidently say that I will be alot more thorough with my blogs from now on. Besides, many of you must have missed reading about my demure life, lol.

Have you ever noticed that alot of guys at the gym love to discretely check themselves out in the mirrors, regardless of quality of physique, lol. I mean just go workout, stop acting like you're big, and get your sets over with.

I went to the Palms twice, for the first time this semester. So, I can officially say that I've been to every bar in Ithaca; well except for the gay bar near IC. I don't think I will need to make a visit there.

I'm looking to get more involved with the school this year. Jazz band, habitat for humanity, PATCH, and HumEc Ambassadors are the groups that I will committ myself to. It's good to help contribute to the school, you meet new people, and in general feel satisfied to help out. I'd like to see if I can start something with one.org (to help elminate poverty and disease in Africa). Although, since I'm Indian, I feel that I should do something to help with the causes there. We'll see how that goes, I mean it will be alot easier to do something with one.org, because of their notoriety. If everyone student at Cornell gave $3, the equivalent of one drink at ruloff's, we could raise $36,000 dollars. For the number of wealthy students at Cornell, many of them are really cheap. Like, people are too cheap to pay $2 for a house party, just to cover all the alcohol that is being provided. Go somewhere else and get loaded for $2 then.

This semester isn't living up to expectation. Pretty much everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Not to mention that I'm always in a crabby mood. Im getting sick of fake inconsiderate people. What happened to simple virtues like friendliness, sincerity, genuinity? It's hard to find REAL people (and no, I don't mean black people, to all of you who are familiar with the ling ;)

It's 3am and I'm wide awake. For some reason I'm having trouble falling asleep. The worst part is I have to wake up early to drop off my car at the dealer. I'm getting the 10k mile service, as well as getting an estimate for the damage done to my car (it was accidentially hit :( I hope the shuttle can take me back to campus, otherwise I'll just walk back. It's not that big of a deal, should take about half hour.

trips

2005-04-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

I've been taking a lot of trips this semester. The best one was to Wake Forest to visit Vellano. Haigney came down w/ me too.

I can't wait until this semester is over. It has been disastrous in every imaginable aspect. Too much drama, injuries, indecisiveness, and lack of discipline. This summer, I'm gonna limit myself to an hour of tv and internet all together. Like ever if I'm not doing work, I'll just go outside and do something. Man, I've been like a hermit. Seriously, all I do is either stay in my room and do work/use computer/watch dvd's or go to the lab. But now that I'm finished with my lab work for the semester, I'm literally in my room all the time cuz I hate going to class.

Man I gotta change my habits. Sheesh. I'm gonna get diesel this summer too. My elbow and ankle are finally healed. My goals this summer are to be able to dunk and get back up to 225 on bench

BEER

2005-04-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

I've had too much alcohol this whole week. My God, the amount of beer and liqour I've taken down is enough to serve at a club. . .hehe.

Kelley's friends came down to visit yesterday, they were very fun. Haha, and I learned that I had been spelling her name wrong, kelly, when in fact it's kellEy. It's even written in big letters on her dry erase board on the door, which i see everyday. . .haha well at least my mistake was corrected. We all had a good time. However, the incident that went down in collegetown ruined my night. Good thing Sean was there, even though they were scared of him too, I woulda just flat out killed the guy. The bad thing is I've never been that angry in my life. I dunno, there's some sort of wierd connection between me and fighting. Sadly, it's one of the few ways I've earned respect.

In third grade, this kid Alex Anastosiu kept making fun of me. So, after two months of this. I tackle him, pin him down, punch him and tell him to stop. And, he stopped from that point. In 6th grade after gym class, we were in the locker room, and this guy Joe Fetter had been mocking me for a LONG time. So, when we were in the locker room. I pick him up, slam him on the locker, flip him upside down, ask him what his problem is, and tell him to stfu. Then in 8th grade music, I got some late detention for putting rory hawkins over my head and throwing him onto the floor. That same year, Bill Flannerry, a kid in band, used to annoy the hell out of me. Then out of nowhwere he just whips me w/ his drumsticks. So, I chased him down the hall, picked him up, and choke slammed him against the wall. I really wasn't proud of it, especially since he had to go to the hospital. Not to mention his mom wanted to sue me. . . sheesh. But since then, I had been the most docile person in the world :)

So, this year at Teagle, Johnny got pissed cuz I wanted to change the weight on the deadlift bar. So he tried fighting me. I just backed off. But then, sean tells me that my two good friends are tellin him that Johnny could have whooped me. Aight, I'll admit that Johnny could beat me up, BUT it would not take 30 seconds. The fact that they said it behind my back just seemed like a total lack of respect. I mean this does seem like a stupid guy thing, but it just got to me. I HATE people thinking or looking at me as a pussy. Man, i'd say that is my one vice, and my attachment to that belief is probably my biggest flaw as a person. Does it really matter what people think of me in that regard?

Man I been feeling bummed out for a while too. I have a lot on my mind. Sigh. I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me though because everyone else who is alive also has something weighing on them.

holla atcha boi

u

2005-04-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Hit the road jack, and don't you come back no mo, no mo, no mo, no mo"

I love Ray Charles. He really is a genius of music. I can't fathom having his musical abilities, let alone being a legend as a blind person.

Kashiff and I have been talking a lot recently. He is my oldest and one of my best friend ever, I mean EVER. We lived next door to eachother in the hospital apartment complex in England. So, I'd say we've known eachother for 16 or 17 years, which is a hell of a long time. We still haven't met up, but that'll change soon.

Last night was fun. I got drunk w/ kelly, then Amara joined us. We smoked a lot of hookah, and ate good fucking nachos and pasta. . .mmmmmmmmmm. Yo, Kelly can eat like a champ and maintain a good figure, jeez. It's very impressive. We also watched disc one, season 5 of Friends.

I'm goin to see vellano next week for his 21st birthday, should be fun. PLUS, haigney is coming, so the drive down will be uber fun.

holla atcha boi

grades

2005-04-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

No way I'm getting a 4.3 this semester, my fucking English classes are killing me. I've gotten A- on all major papers, and A's on the quizzes, but the quizzes won't bring the grade up to an A. I dunno, I'm gonna have to step it up on the next three papers.

I got A+ on last biochem and genetics prelim, so that was good. By the way, I feel like a nerd talking about grades, but I wanna beat the 4.14 I got last semester. lol i feel smart!

"In My Place" has been repeating for the past 3 days on i-tunes. I'm too lazy to turn off the repeat button. Chris Martin is a beast, what a good lyricist.

I still have to find a place to live for next year. Hopefully I can stay at the house I currently live in, but if not, Imma live in my car. Actually I could live in uris, keep clothes in cut chinese house, shower at the gym, eat on campus. Man I would save like $800/month. Although, I've stayed at the library for 3 days in a row once, and I had really bad neck pain

holla atcha boi

kw

2005-04-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

Kayleigh is cool

She wrote a whole entry about me. Well, I asked for it, but she did a good job writing it! She still brings up how I said "no" to taking her to prom, but I'll make it up. I really was a fool to say no, haha.

I talked about sex too much today, with girls, nonetheless. I figured conversations like the ones I had today would have always occurred w/ guys, but whatever.

cornHELL

2005-04-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

yo, cornell sucks

no real niggas

no cool desi's

all pussy little jewish guys and JAPS

i'm gonna kick all their asses, line em up, knock em out one by one

haha so guess what, my english TA said, "Writing a journal of somesorts will help you organize your thoughts better. As you keep writing entries, your ability to process, organize, and cohesively write about your thoughts will greatly improve." Great, so I will write again

long time

2005-04-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last entry and a lot has happened since, but it's too much to talk about in one sitting because it has been one month.

To sum up though, I need to be more disciplined in life.

If I had a time machine, I would fix all the mistakes I've made. I hate being so flawed, it drives me nuts. The worse part is, I've become too lazy to fix any of these flaws. How terrible! My problem is that I want change to come fast, when in reality, change is a slow process. It requires careful planning and attentive care.

champagne supernova

2005-02-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

I NEED to find my cornell I.D. card, and I refuse to pay for a new one. The girl working at HNH desk said it wasn't there, but she looked through the lost and found binder half heartedly. So, I will try tomorrow, although I wouldn't be surprised to find it in my room somewhere. The card is ALWAYS in my blue gym shorts, but the last time I remember seeing it was when I put it on the bench as a sign to tell people not to workout there. My irresponsibility is going to get the best of me someday.

It's always nice to hear older songs that you haven't heard in a while. For example, I played "She shook me all night long" by AC/DC. It's a classic song, but sounds even better after not having listened to it for over a year, i'd say.

I watched the most recent episode of The O.C. and the ending was SOOOOO corny. Seth and Summer rekindled their love using the infamous spiderman kiss in the rain. Eh whatever, the directors did a good job leading to it though, I mean the show wasn't centered around getting to that one kiss. "Champagne Supernova" was the closing song for the episode. What a great song. I hadn't heard that song since freshman year. Oasis is a good band. Plus the song is really well written. I, myself can't relate to it, but it sounds good.

I need to start reading the news again because I'm completely out of touch with current events. Not that keeping up with the news has any relevance to my life, but it gives me a perspective of the difficulties and triumphs that are occurring outside of my life. However, I never lose touch with how the Chicago Bulls are doing. Nobody believed they would do well this year, including me, especially after that 0-9 start.

mah room

2005-02-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

After a hectic week of studying and writing, I finally decided to clean my REALLY messy room this afternoon. It took me roughly and hour, but my room looks beautiful. However, it still needs some decorating. I need to get a couple posters and some pictures up. Generally, I don't like to put pictures or anybody up. Maybe pictures of the TRN triumverate will suffice.

I played some tennis today. My game was going well until the tension absorber broke. Having that gone changes the feel of the racquet and does something to me psychologically. I don't know why, but the racquet feels really really loose, so it affects my shots.

um, what else. . .i read a book called Core Performance, which is all about training the body to have a solide core (torso, abs, and flexibility in hips), and being able to use your body to generate maximum power with minimal damage. I guess I'll try doing that since I can't lift for a month. It's depressing, I worked so hard to get strong and build power, now it'll go to waste and I will have to work up again for 2-3 months to get it back :(.

lol oh, kelly spilled red wine on her sweater, so her friends said "white wine gets rid of red wine stain" and proceeded to allow white wine to be poured on her. . .LOLOLOL.

Man I'm already going to miss living here next year. It's nice having a home to come too, with living room, kitchen etc. . .which is so much different than just a dorm. Plus the people are super. Speaking of homes, I need to find a place for next year.

da band

2005-02-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

I wish I was in a band again. I really miss playing the drums. I should have just become a drummer because I was def. good enough after freshman year in college. Damn, I don't mean to sound cocky, but mah fatass was GOOD at the drumset. Actually the last time I was home I hopped on the set, for the first time in a year, and I hadn't lost much skill. My endurance was gone though. It's hard to play fast or use the bass drum effectively after a long hiatus away from the drumset. If I make enough money this semester, I'm gonna get an electric set so that I can have it in my room all the time. Plus, I can plug headphones into the amp so there will be no noise ordances placed on our house.

After two and a half years of pure science classes, I decided to take two writing class; world literature and contemporary womens writiers. My advisor suggested taking the women's course. She is a feminist though, I def. won't ask her for a rec for med school. Anyways so there is a lot of reading, but at least the prof picked good authors: Barbara Kingsolver and Toni Morrison. You really can't go wrong with those two authors. Hopefully my grades won't suck on the papers.

Kelly lost her cell phone in class, but Amara and I helped her find it. So I'm happy we found it. Imagine not having a cell phone. It seriously equates to losing all contact with the world.

My scanner software won't install. Some random windows error keeps appearing. I installed the windows xp cd and typed in some codes in command prompt, but that didn't work. Then I made a config.nt file and a autoexec.nt, but that didn't work. I'm already sick of this computer.

"get'em girls" by cam'ron is one of those awesomely bad song. The beat is hot, but the lyrics BLOW big momma chunks.

Oh yeah I learned that girls can hook up with guys without the girl having to do anything. Amara and Kelly said they just have to look at the guy a certain way for a second and it's done. Damn, that's impressive right?

ite on that good note, im out

goal

2005-02-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

I wish I was one of those people who had a goal in mind and just worked tirelessly to achieve it, no matter how much time and work was required. I am a person who wants to do something for a short period of time then move onto something else. I guess I like having lived through different experiences just so that I have stories to tell to people. Plus it makes me seem like a more interesting person. I find that the people who bore me are the ones who can't enjoy life a little. Enjoy doesn't mean going out and getting drunk, but like being spontaneous. It's hard to explain. I am not a good enough writer to express what I want to say clearly.

Man I'm glad I have omer and vivek as friends. They both give me good perspectives on anything I tell them. They both can relate well to everything I go through.

I have soooooooooooo much shit tomorrow and thursday. . .biochem, microbio, genetics, world lit paper. . .ugh. I try to be more organized with stuff but then it just backfires.

Also that candy on the kitchen table pissing me off. I don't have the willpower to ignore it. The girls should have said to me "if you touch ne of it, i will chop ur balls off". That would have made me not take ANY of the candy.

lol i love how the girls complain about their bodies. They are all really good looking too, but complain about "big thighs" or having bellies. It's pretty funny because they don't have any of those thing, and I don't even think they believe me when I tell them they look good, or maybe they just want to hear me say it again. hahaha.

ashlee simpson said vegetarians should have "tofurkey" What a loser.

if i was a rich girl

2005-02-21T23:23:00.000-08:00

"Rich Girls" is a dumb song. The music is aight, but the lyrics are just stupid. I think Gwen Stefani really wrote the lyrics to her song, rather than choosing to have lyricists write it.

My scanner finally arrived. I haven't installed it, but it is soooooooo thing and weighs less than a one subject notebook.

Young has to stop inviting me to eat at the Korean restaurant just because the meals are too big. Moreover, I end up eating more a few hours later. This is the reason I just eat 5-6 smaller meals a day because my mouth and stomach are always craving some sort of nourishment, regardless of how much I've eaten.

Gary Bettman speaks as if he is reading off a prewritten speach. There is no passion in his voice. I know that as commissioner it is his job to remain practical and show little emotion, but he is still part of the NHL. He doesn't seem too upset that the season is cancelled. Plus, he always mentions how the league loses less money without having a season.

I have a biochem unit quiz, microbio quiz, 5 page paper due on wednesday and a genetics prelim on thursday. I really shouldn't be complaining because one, other people are in the same predicament, and two, I've known in advance that about these dealines and test dates. but still, im gonna be a bitch and complain :)

Feeling too sleepy to type anymore. . .people LEAVE COMMENTS!!! i know some of you are reading this, gimme your input :)

wasted

2005-02-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

I don't even remember half of what has happened past 10pm for most of the week because I've drank too much, lol. . .but I've had fun doing it!

The highlight of the week was definitely hags, sterb, newbs, and julie coming to visit. I'm not as close with them as the rest of the crew from high school, but they are all really nice people, and always fun to hang out with. Plus I tried some exploding type beer thing w/ sterb. However, we used BEAST light, so the taste was horrible.

I keep missing the ups delivery man to sign for the scanner I ordered. It's this paper thin HP scanner that I found for really cheap on compusa. They had their super tuesday sale, so I bought it for 70% off retail price, and free shipping!!!

Aight, so one reason I started this blog was to help improve my writing. The majority of professors/teachers that I've had for english all say that free writing is the best way to improve writing ability. However, I don't think this holds true for me because I use a lot of slang. But, I have noticed that it's getting easier to organize my thoughts. Sometimes when I write, I think alot faster than I write; meaning that if I'm writing about one thing, and all of a sudden something else pops into my head, I will start writing about that new thing. I'm taking world literature and this women's writers course to help me out with my command of English. Actually I used to love to read, but stupid espn and tv in general is starting to atrophy my head. If there is no tv around, I have no problem picking up a book.

I started exercising again. I don't think my elbow will ever completely heal, unless I have an orthodontist diagnose the problem. So, I just ice it everyday for half hour while im stretching or watching tv. Also, I have been playing basketball and tennis. Thank goodness I use my left arm to play tennis, otherwise that right elbow would be destroyed.

Anybody that is interested in seeing the movie Saw, shouldn't do so. The movie is pretty stupid, but moreover, the storyline is just disturbing.

Goal of the week is to say hi to Emily, lol. I'm being a real pussy about this

ite

2005-02-17T22:31:00.000-08:00

Had a biochem unit quiz today, which was actually due yesterday, so I had to use an extension day. IT's ok though because I have 13 more extension days left. I'd prefer not to use them though because I do not want to look lazy in front of the professor. Plud I know I may need them when prelims come up.

I was a lazy ass today. So we have a bank of america in collegetown, but no one works there yet. I think they are in the process of finishing the interior. It looked finished though; chairs and desks were set up, etc. . . I wanted to open a bank account with $$$ that I had made on my own (I'm so proud of myself, lol). Plus parents wouldn't be able to monitor what I do with it. Man, they can be too overbearing sometimes. anyways, so that is a bust, but I really do need to find somewhere to put it though.

The day was fairly unproductive. Topps had breyers fat free yogurt for 50 cent, mmmm cherry cheesecake flavor.

Planning on visiting vellano in april too. Gonna try and bring Kopp along cuz the car ride will be boring too, lol. Besides I haven't been witness to any of his antics in a couple of years

par

2005-02-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

Man, I can't wait to live on my own, support myself with my own income, and make decisions that will make me happy rather than making my parents happy.

They think that buying me stuff makes me happy, it really doesn't. Material things will mask my true emotions for a day or two, but then it's over. I never even ask them for nething, just some shoes and ipod, lol, everything else is all them.

Whatever, imma just focus on them REALS now. lol. From now on, it's just gym and work, don't need nething else.

2005-02-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

In all seriousness, "boulevard of broken dreams" has to be one of my favorite songs of all time. Green Day really did a good job with the lyrics. I wonder what their inspiration for that song was. The song really hits at the heart because I feel like I'm alone in my life too, no one to talk to and tell what I'm really feeling like, the issues that really bother me, etc. . . Plus the tone of the music goes well with the lyrics. They could have made it faster and more upbeat, the the somberness of the guitars matches the expressiveness of the lyrics. I don't care if you think i sound like a tool either :)

Shash and I were talking about the same shit again, lol. It never gets boring either. Amara was telling about the desi life in new jersery. There are a lot of fools that live there, lol. I was laughing at some of the pictures of people she sent me, haha, especially that first guy who thought he was thug, HAHA.

I bought this really nice thin scanner for $50. The original price is $140, but staples was having their special tuesday deals. The scanner is fucking as thin as a notebook with really good resolution too. I couldn't pass up on that deal. Ugh I've spent way too much money these past three days.

apple

2005-02-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

I'm so pissed I didn't buy more apple stock. It's gone up $25 in the past month. The stock was already expensive to begin with so I didn't want to put like 1/3 of my account into that stock, but man I feel like a fool

Hitch

2005-02-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

I saw Hitch today and my expecations were met. The movie was really well written and pretty well researched too. All the information I've learned from every HD or Pysch class I"ve taken was incorporated into that movie. I mean it wasn't AMAZING, as I maybe making it seem, but it was funny, a very good "date" movie.

I saw my orthodontist for the first time in 5 months. He just tightened the brackets, or whatever they are called. My teeth are feeling a little sore, but not sore enough to eat a couple chocolate chip cookies :)

haha I'm watching jay leno right now and, of course, he is making fun of valentines day.

"Bill Clinton send Hilary two dozen roses. . . oh, they were sent to hilary duff." lol I know it's corny but that guy loves to make fun of clinton.

"I was watching bride of chucky, actually it was camilla talking to chucky."
"Hey it looked prince charles was marrying dame edna."
"He actually met Camilla at a polo match where he tried to mount her."

I'm now recalling the numerous times my mom has made fun of Camilla. She has been referring to her as "the horse" for the past 15 years.

Lol, me and shashi spend hours talking about our indian parents and food. like seriously we talk about the same things all the time, with a SLIGHT variance in the underlying themes. . .we are tools, but whatever. Her boyfriend is a chef. I'm jealous, I would LOVE to know someone who is a chef, so that I wouldn't have to eat microwave meals 2/3 of the week.

The bad thing about having a credit card is that my parents will know where I'm spending money and on what. So, I guess I"ll only be using it for food and books because I sometimes get stuff online and sell it on ebay, and I don't need them on my case saying "what are you wasting time on this for, you don't need money, just study." This is what they say for any non-academic/ non-helping-me-get-into-med-school activity that I take up.

aight, ross the intern is on now.

pz

grammy's

2005-02-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

The grammy's were pretty good. All the artists performed well. Sherly Crow looked amazing in that dress. Wow! What a body! Yo, and that TRN Usher can really fucking dance. . .dang.

Um, so I won't be able to lift heavy for a while because I've been putting too much stress on my joints. This is typical indian genes. I guess we are just meant to be skinny, out of shape, and pot bellied. Ugh it's so frustrating. Months of hard work always seem to go to waste at the end. It's been happening since freshman year. Every time I accomplish something physical it just percolates out of sight. I'm so frustrated.

Been talkin to mah boy Varun. I've known him since like third grade, but we've talked like once since we went to college. However it's been good to hear from him again. I look up to the guy a lot. He's a very accomplished person, and I hope I turn out to be more like him.

During the past year, I have been looking back and reassessing my life; trying to find my purpose, and what motivates me. I've lost a lot of passion for the things in that I loved a lot. I quit playing the drums, dismembered all the groups I was a part of, yadda yadda yadda. I wake up in the morning and go to class because I have to, not because I want to. I study because I have to not because I want to. I'm the type of person that needs to know what lays ahead of me. Maybe my anxiety stems from my incredible nervousness about getting into med schools, maybe not. But, whatever it is, it needs to go away. There's a lot of instability in my life that I will not go into detail about, but I need to fix it.

My orthodontist appointment is at 8am tomorrow. It's also valentines day. I was going to get the girls in the house some stuff and leave it on the table, but in the end I just felt akward doing it. I mean it's nothing romantic or nething, just was gonna do something in celebration of valentines day, but two of the girls are in serious relationships and I'm not sure about the other, so they may have thought it was wierd of me to do something like that

big brother big sister

2005-02-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

Man I love going to the youth bureau saturday programs for big brother big sister. I seriously feel like a kid again. All we do is play games, drink juice, eat cookies, and chase kids around. Plus, I forgot how little effort it takes to amuse children.

scanner

2005-02-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

I bought a scanner from best buy with the intention of returning it in two weeks. It turns out that I will be returning it after 3 days because the software blows chunks.

I had wings over ithaca for the first time since the end of sophomore year. Remind me never to get the honey mustard again and to just stick with cajun blackened.

Things to do this weekend. . .genetics, biochem, work on the research proposal, and that's about it.

My shoulder and elbow hurt from throwing the football yesterday. I'm just going to take a week off from lifting and let mah elbow heal.

tgif

2005-02-11T23:30:00.000-08:00

I'm already getting sick of school. There's too much work. I can't wait to take fun classes. The only reason I keep taking science classes is because I want to raise my science gpa. Speaking of gpa, it is a lot better than I thought it was. I usually just calculate it myself after getting my grades from the professors, but I met with my advisor and she gave me a copy of my transcript. I have a 3.85, which hopefully be good enough for some harder med schools. I thought I had a 3.7

The thing is there are a lot of kids with 4.0 from good schools who get into the good med schools. Therefore I am competing with a lot of these kids. However, since I'm doing the M.S. program here, my senior year grades will count. So, maybe i can get it up to over 3.9 before I graduate.

Collegetown Bagels is a great place to observe people. You see some who really take the stigma of that place seriously; treating it like a pure college student type of eatery: sipping their coffee, writing a paper on their laptop, making use of the wireless internet. It's not like other places don't have those ammenities, but for some reason to me, people think of CTB as too much of a shrine to the portrait of what a college hangout is, much like what central perk is to the show "Friends"

I dunno though, I have a fascination with observing people. I observe their nuances because there are always certain things they do that give off a description of what thier personality is like. I'm not trying to be arrogant by saying that I can tell what a person is like just be observing them, but I can sometimes get a good read about them. Besides, my dad said always be observant of everything.

lol, my advisor also agrees that there are too many "JAPS" at cornell. Surprisingly she is a woman too. I was telling her that alot of people are narrow minded and caught up with the social hierarchy that is the greek life, abercrombie shirts, and flip flops. . .lol. I dunno, i find stereotypes pretty funny. Me personally, I wear the same pants wherever I go, and once they rip, then I"ll get another pair. I have 12 cheap ass black t-shirts, and a couple other raggedy ones. I used to be into clothes. My closet is filled with some nice stuff and I have garbage bags full of shit, but it's too much hassle to dress up. I'm too lazy sometimes in that regard. My parents are on my case about wearing the same pants. They were happy that the last pair ripped.

Tried sorting things out w/ Johnny, but that didn't work. Guess I'll just give him more time to cool off or something. He was saying that when I'm around other people I try insulting them to make myself feel better, but he never gave me any examples of when it happened. I don't think I do that. Like I do joke around a lot, so maybe he thought i was being insulting to other people in that regard. I would like a clearer explanation though

TRN fellowship

2005-02-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

It was GREAT to see H, jeff, ramona, jackie, and shafer last night. They came to cornell to recruit at the career fair, because they were the most recent graduates from cornell for their respective companies. We went to Madelines, had damn good food, then me shafe and vivek went to dunbars, got wasted for $6 per person (jug of beer and 6 shots). . .part of group therapy wednesday, then hopped around to other bars.

At Chariot, this guy peter turned 21, and shafer tryin to hit on his girlfriend, I had to hold him back though.

Basically it was one great drunk night. Going to bars are expensive though. I went tuesday night also and I'm down like $30, which I spent just for myself. I refuse to buy a girl a drink to pick her up, it's stupid. Unless I'm really really interested, it's not gonna happen.

Statler rules too

jon stewart

2005-02-09T14:01:00.000-08:00

I don't even remember if I wrote about the superbowl, but Eagles shoulda won, and mcnabb played like a REAL

Shafer came in last night. We went to out, got piss drunk, yadda yadda yadda. It was very fun. This guy Harlan came with us too. He's very cool, and smooth w/ women too. Hopefully he can teach me a thing or two.

Couple days ago at Teagle I was doin dead lifts w/ this kidd johnny that I know and he just flipped out cuz I wanted to use a lighter weight. He started pushing me and trying to punch me. I was gonna clock him REAL hard but held back and turned out. But I can't believe how pissed he got, especially since I've been a good friend to him too. I take him to wegmans to get food and get him alcohol and stuff, and this is how he repays me?

I'm over it, but still, what a dick move

I waited in line for 4.5 hours for jon stewart tickts this morning. In all seriousness, it wasn't worth waiting in line, but I wanted a ticket, and knew they would be sold out by the end of the day, so I decided to wait. Some kids were waiting from yesterday evening. Also, it would have been easier if i was in a frat because then the pledges could have gotten me a ticket. Every frat, let's say averages around 10 pledges, so that's 35 frat house. . .350 kids. . .4 tickets a piece. . . .so that's 1400 tkts gone. I was normal and went in line at 8:45 this morning, but was 660 in line and all 2000 reserved seats had sold out for the first 500 people (4 tickets per person, people!). Anyways, so I got 4 tickets and am more excited to him stewart now since I sacrificed a big chunk of my day

holla atcha boi

T.O

2005-02-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

The eagles should have won. If there is anybody to blame, it is McNabb. He just didn't throw the ball well. Even though he had a lot of yards, he didn't have timely completions. The defense and T.O were fantastic. I'm not too disappointed though. . .i was rooting for the eagles because mcnabb went to syracuse.

Matt was teaching me how to throw a football today because I have never played or thrown in my entire life. I can throw with both arms which is kinda cool. Like i started practicing a little with my right arm, but since I have tendonitis I can't use that arm. So. . .i just started learning with the left.

I have tendonitis in my right elbow. I have no idea how it happened. I was doing military presses and the right elbow started to sting. I hope it doesn't last for too long because I was doing really well in my lifting cycle. Lol, i love how everyone thinks I'm soo jacked now. I gotta cut body fat in a couple weeks though. I am getting alot stronger now. Like i can warm up on 90lb dumbells for chest very easily, yadda yadda yadda.

Pain, by Jimmy Eat World, is my new favorite workout song

Me and Vivek were being REAL friday night. It's pretty sad how women will come to me cuz I drive a nice car. Like seriously, guys should have some self-respect unless they REALLY REALLY need to get laid.

Russell Peters is the shit too. It's nice to see an indian comedian who is really funny too!

google

2005-02-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

wtf, google is $210. I should have bought more at the ipo because it's hard as hell to find stocks that will give you even 50% return so quickly, but this fucker is at 100%. It's aight though mah mbmw one gonna be the prize.

I watched mean girls last night. Lyndsey Lohan is NOT that good looking please. Guys have to look past her tits. Rachel McAdams is hotttttt.

I gotta stop getting cookies from ctb

I really gotta start reading the news or something. I'm so out of touch with what's happening around the world. I even missed the state of union address :(

I would make a better investment banker than doctor, but wouldn't be as fulfilled with life because I would just get sick of money after a while. I decided to be an interventional cardiologist. Nothing else interests me. Even though it is adviced to wait until u finish medical school to see what field of medicine interests you, I'm not going to do that. I've been exposed to nearly all fields and the only other thing that interests me is orthopedic surgeon and plastic surgery

teagle

2005-02-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

Man at teagle today, i think i was one of the weakest guys there. Pissed me off, everyone was big and cut and I was only doin 205 for 8. So, by the end of the semester I'll be bigger and cutter and benching 315. My max right now is at 255, which ain't that good.

Also I've been a good boy and getting all my work and reading done. This is actually the first day that I've been home before 11 since the semester started. I mean I come home for an hour at 5 for dinner. But the routine is class, gym, library, dinner, library, bed

All pre-med kids in my class submitted forms to the organization that files your applications for med schools. I didn't do it because I'm gonna stay one more year here and get a M.S. in biochem. I really don't know if i should do it, but after looking at the requirements for top 20 med schools I saw that I didn't have an extra orgo lab and I can't even use my AP calc stuff. My advisor never informed me of these things. I doubt it would hinder my chance of getting in somewhere good, but why take the chance. Besides, I was planning on going MD/PhD. . .so i'll just use the masters instead

Last night I saw the hottest girl at the library, i kept looking at her as i was walking and ended up walking into the wall. eh what can u do

bbobd

2005-01-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

Aight

first week of classes are over, and i haven't missed one of them yet! So, I have gone to as many lectures as I did all of last semester. All of you who made fun of me can stop now :)

Classes are gonna be kinda hard. I've already had to put time in the library. My housemates are awesome. Everyone is really really really nice and friendly. Plus the good thing with having girls in the house is that they are clean and eat healthy. Hopefully some of that stuff will rub off on me

Strength is coming back slowly. I put up 235 on the bench yesterday. Um military press is at 135 for 8 etc. . .

I just NEED to get cut. . .god it's pissing me off. ha, and my mom insists on making me her fattening food. Even if i say no, she will still make it, and I will obviously keep eating it

This chocolate cake has been on the table for the past week and it's driving me nuts. Someone needs to finish it.

I need to find rims for my car

Ooo and I got this art history book today because it looked nice and I could use a little more culture other than MTV and ESPN

REAL

2005-01-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

I'm at the library, it is empty, but am taking a break nonetheless because biochem is making me sleepy. This one class I added was cancelled this week, and of course, i found out after seeing the note on the lecture hall door.

Cornell needs to learn how to clean the sidewalks so that our pants don't get dirty and so that we can make it to class quicker.

Vivek turned 22, nigga didn't tell me it was his birthday but it's aight. We are all the same, none of us tell anybody when our birthdays are because it's not a big deal. . .but for all of u who are interested it's november 7th :)

I can't deal with REAL'S nemore. They are with the girls that i like, they are physically superior to me, and most are pretty suave. Also they look sharp in a suit. . .man i can't catch a break

u

eh

2005-01-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Classes were aight, got some cool profs. I like seeing my friends again, being on campus, basically just being a college student.

bulls are fucking overe .500!!!

I hurt my left hand and wrist

Biochem is going to be a bitch

chicago bulls

2005-01-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

Finally! After six years of painful losing and embarrassment, the Chicago Bulls are at .500 this early in the season. If they hadn't started out 0-9, and at least won half their games they would be third in the eastern conference, with home court advantage until the conference finals! GO BABY BULLS. Moreover, I'm really looking forward to next season because the guys will still be really young and they will have the experience of a good overall season. . .GO BULLS. After Jordan retired I didn't think I would be a Bulls fan, but they are a part of me, so I gotta stick with them through the tough times.

Some kid names huieee is living w/ us this semester. Beth is very excited about this because of his name. Everyone in the house toasted to him with their shots last night. He hasn't move in yet, but hopefully he won't get pissed when we do it again. You know i will be yelling that out loud, being the asshole that.

I could go for a nice pitcher of boddingtons

2005-01-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

I feel like a loser for reasons that I will not go into at this time.

Now I'm actually looking forward to going back to school and being occupied by the all the work that will make me not think about my troubles.

I'm really going to try and enjoy this semester. So far in college, I haven't done shit. I barely go to class because I do just as well by reading the book (3.9 gpa). So, I am barely on campus, not seeing the other kids who do go to class. Instead, I am playing tennis, or doing something in the realm of sports or gym. Plus I quit all the clubs that I was a part of. In short, I am going to try and have the full "college experience" from now on. I will go to class, join the jazz band again, be disciplined, and feel like I am accomplishing something. Because let's face it, when you just have to go to class for FOUR YEARS, u don't feel like nething you learn will be useful in the future

I have to get new sheets. Pastels are nice, but I'll prolly end up getting baby blue!

Looking forward to desperate housewives and brownies tomorrow!

Not looking forward to 6am wake ups. . .ooof

"tempted" by squeez is an awesome song. You all have heard it; it's old school, has the lyrics "tempted by the fruit of another, tempted but the truth is discovered. . ."

moving in

2005-01-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

aight, that bitch tenant in utica, threw away like $50 worth of meat from the freezer. However, she did get someone to clean the apartment and pack my stuff for me. . .but i wanted the meat!

So I moved into my room at school today. I have a MASSIVE closet. B and I helped eachother out today, i picked her up while her car was getting inspected and she helped me move my stuff. Plus we found real cheap clothes at old navy today. . .SCORE

Aight, watched the apprentice last night. It seemed pretty obvious that the book smarts would win since most of them have probably worked at burger king before. But they do deserve credit because their strategy was a lot better. I'm actually hoping the street smarts win, because I'm not a big fan of going to college. I , myself would have preferred getting a job after high school, but with Indian parents, it would be easier to commit suicide than getting out of going to college.

With the OC. . .stop trying to tease us with lesbian stuff. . .I bet you the closest thing to lesbian activity that will happen is the girls will ALMOST kiss. That's just my theory

Me and matt teng finalized plan AW. Hoping we will have success in a 3 months. . .to find out the details, keep on reading daily and maybe I will release some of this top secret information

fantasy

2005-01-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

Damn, I didn't know Pao Gasol would do so bad last night. I supposed every player is allowed to have a bad night or two, but this fool only took 6 shots last night. So, the matchup this week is still really really close. AHHHHHHHH the tension, lol. AL Jefferson had a good night, too bad he ain't on my team.

I'm watching the presidential election now. I still can't believe Bush won. If Kerry had put a stronger emphasis on policy counter to those of Bush he would have won. Eh I'm not gonna go into details. I could go on for pages.

Hoping something stupid happens to Bush. I know the comedians are gonna have a good time w/ mah boy Bush. But his daughter his hot. . .the brunette one. Very elegant and sexy

bad weather

2005-01-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

the weather blows today. i was supposed to go to Cornell to move my stuff in, but I didn't wanna drive in this weather. moreover, it would have been a pain in the ass to carry shit out of the car while my hands were freezing off. plus I couldn't find my cell phone so i had to drive to b's house to tell her i didn't need the key. my dumbass should have just used the phonebook to call her house.

sooooo i called for a large supreme from pizza hut, gonna kick back w/ a movie and chill for the rest of the day. i'll prolly read a book and hit up the drum set too.

and the fucking snowblower isn't working so i have to shovel a shitload of snow

time, time, time, is on my side

vacation

2005-01-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

man i do NOT want to go back to school. It's gonna suck, I'm gonna have a lot of work, work long hours at the lab and, live in boring shitica.

I made $350 off my stocks today! I seroiusly should just quit school and live off this money that I make, cuz the more I make, the more I will have to invest. This means I can make more each time :)

Man I love being home. Well, my parents are at their other place which is closer to my dad's office, so they are rarely at this house :)

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Make em say uh" have been looping all day while I was playing football. I broke a lamp cuz I tried to throw the ball too hard and i missed left and just killed the lamp.

I was talkin to Omer about all the shit that we need to take care of for med school applications. I'm starting to get worried because I feel like I haven't prepared well enough or done well enough to get into a good school. Counselors really overhype medical school. They act like it's some place just for Gods or something. I dunno, I have to get applications finished by this summer.

I've decided on either being a plastic surgeon or interventional cardiologist. Plastic surgery is cool, because it a combination of art and skill. Cardiology is nice too cuz my dad is a cardiologist and I've done a shitload of work in cardiology, so I'm pretty much an expert in the field. And I refuse to operate on women that I know if i become a plastic surgeon unless they let me get in their pants. . .haha jk, well only if you're good looking :)

My sister went back to school today which means I have to do dishes, get mail, and take out the trash, lol.

lazy

2005-01-17T13:52:00.000-08:00

I'm going to enjoy this week off before school starts. Spring break of sophomore semester was the last time I had this much time off! I am going to enjoy it by watching tv, eating a lot, and sleeping.

Also I'm going to shave my head next week because I hate dealing with hair. I think I wrote that in before. Moreover I have been balding for the past 4 years. . .ugh bad genes. I mean u can't tell, but the hair has thinned out a lot.

And I've been playing a lot of football. I was never interested in football until I realized how jacked and fast all these guys were. I can't believe guys that big can run so fucking fast. Yeh so i put some pillows in the hallway and just throw the ball at em so i don't scuff the wall.

I watched shrek 2. haha it was a good movie i likes the parodies

TRN

2005-01-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

man me and shafer have been coming up with the diesed plan to be filthy rich by the time we are 30. We both collaborate on stock strategies, mutual funds, our own startup companies and strategies. I'm like really excited about this. TRN corporation is well underway and is gonna be HUGE!

lol, well we'll see how big it gets, but it's a side project that I'm really enjoying working and planning all this stuff. I don't want money because I want to spend it or live lavishly, I want it because it represents a sign of my success. Obviously I would indulge in a car here, and a house there :)

Ha, I'm watching the golden globes right now, waiting until desperate housewives starts at 9. In all seriousness, that show is really well written. You forget how good looking the women in the show are because they are very good actresses.

Also I love watching nip/tuck. It's a very edgy show. Seems like something they would show on HBO or something. The show has great music, life like depictions of what plastic surgery looks like and julian mcmahon is mah boy!

The colts lost, sigh. I was really rooting for them. It's ok though, philly won and hopefully mcnabb will win the superbowl. But how sweet would it have been to see philly vs indianapolis.

work

2005-01-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

I'm getting better at writing in this. . .only a week since the last entry!

I finished working at the lab on friday. I feel really smart after having worked there; like I could talk to a doctor or researcher and not feel like a moron. So, two papers will be published and the lab director said he'd pay $500/wk if i worked there over the summer because i did such a good job :)

I can't wait to get back to school and get in shape. ugh these past six months have been torture in terms of being motivated to do exercise. I finally have a good understanding of what it is to be an adult with a job because once u come home u don't feel like doing shit.

I also have a new found respect for my mom, who will always cook and clean no matter how little sleep she got, how late she got home, or how many hours she had to work at my dad's practice.

On a good note, I learned how to cook pretty well, so yay for me, which means I WILL be able to fend for myself later in life w/out having to rely on mcdonalds and other things. Also I'm on a VERY VERY good sleep cycle. God in school a normal sleep cycle lasts for about a week until I am corrupted by late night studying, cramming, or partying. Im gonna try and stay disciplined about sleep because I know how much of a difference it makes in being productive during the day.

oooooooo i got my own credit card too, finally! It's an amex platinum, but def. not worth paying their yearly fee. I only wanted it to use for gas and groceries so my parents could get more points.

Also I opened an e-trade account for myself because I didn't want to manage my parents stocks, plus it was too much money, i would have felt horrible if nething bad had happened. My account has $3000, which is A LOT smaller and hopefully by the end of the year i can double that money and buy some shit for my car.

holla atcha boi

casino

2005-01-07T18:07:00.000-08:00

Man I hate the casino

I won a shitload of money last night, then I went today after work and lost most of it. . .god damn it. No wonder casinos exist, to take advantage of our innate greed. . . .grrr.

My new tennis racquets came yesterday, they are fantastic. They make me feel like a real pro, even though I am not. Hopefully my wrist won't be throbbing with these new racquets.

On a more seroius note, George Bush is a dumbass. So right now the senate is in the process of questions attorney general nominee Alberto Gonzalez, and dumbass gonzalez says that al quieda terrorist should be exempt from the Geneva Treaty rights of prisoner abuse. aka he wants to torture all the terrorists. I have no problem with the second part because middle eastern muslim terrorists only want to take over america and take over the middle east, using each terrority as its pawn and instilling fear in everybody. The problem is that if middle eastern terrorists are exempt but then, for example, south american terrorist attack the united states and are caught, we cannot torture them either. Then world delegates would ahve to meet and agree on some sort of action, can the US torture them, can they not?

In any case, I know that the each country agrees to sign the treaty because they want people capture from their own country to be treated inhumanely. . .but there is a difference between capturing a terrorist and capturing someone who fights for an army. . .an army is governmental deployed where as terrorists are narrow minded fools.

So with all this tsunami stuff going on, I am surprised the Islamic nations haven't helped out with any contributions or nething. Indonesia is the largest muslim nation in the world. Also, Malaysia has almost 80% muslim population. So, if middle eastern terrorists are fighting in the name of Allah, why can't they save their own people from the disaster of this tsunami.

I am just pissed off with everything that is going on. After 9/11 Bush should have just obliterated afghanistan and killed osama, and gone after every terrorist group. He did the right thing by getting rid of Sadaam because of the large monetary support he gave to terrorist groups. The thing is, in order to end the terrorist groups, u have to eliminate the supporters, the people who give the money, because with that, the actual terrorists cannot cause any harm if they do not have ne support. It is like the nerdy kid asking hot girl to high school. . .no one else will support her decision to take him.

CUT CHINESE

2005-01-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

Aight

I've decided to just shred down to 155-160lbs then build up muscle again. Like it's impossible to get big and lose body fat at the same time. It takes two long because you to really balance and watch what you eat, so that u take enuf calories and not lose muscle, but also not put on too much fat. Not, to mention that cardio kills muscle growth.

I like having a lot of muscle, but I've realized I wanna be really cut. So, I can lose the rest of the body fat (prolly will lose muscle too) then monitor my body fat as I bulk up again.

Besides, losing weight will make the car go faster cuz it won't have as much wieght to carry:)

Anyways, I read Walden, pride and prejudice, and Rebecca. . .i know the last two are catered more toward women, but I liked them a lot. The books were all written in more of "old english" so everytime I read books like that, I find myself voicing the words in my head with this proper british accent. Maybe this is because I am from England and used to have a British accent.

I wonder if people would think I'm wierd if I used British accent again. I still have it, just stopped using it cuz kids in third grade made fun of me

2005-01-04T10:16:00.000-08:00

tooo. . ..lazy. . . .to . . . .type. . . . .thoughts

After going to new year's party, I realized how many people I forgot from high school. Like the names sound familiar but I couldn't recognize faces. Not that it mattered to me that much, but I thought I wouldn't forget many people.

I'm looking forward to going back to school. Doing something besides research. The one good thing that came out of this was all the time I had to read novels, and living in the ghetto gave me another perspective on how others live. People are more cuthroat, but also laid back.

Also, I've been winning alot of mone. y at the casino. It has to be luck. I don't play cards, just roulette, because the odds of winning are always the same. I'm not good enough at cards to help swing the odds into my favor.

Oh and I do a lot of yoga now. My dad was right, it helps clear the mind, and helps me become more disciplined and focused. . .two facets of my life which need to be improved on.

As soon as I get to school, I'm getting a seriously close buzz cut. . .almost close to completely shaving my head. Sick of having to deal with hair. Hopefully I won't look too stupid with it. I just need to get more diesel to pull off the look

ite

2004-12-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well I really suck at writing in this everyday.

Life has been the same. . .work at the lab, etc. . . However I will be co-author of two publications so I'm pretty stoked about that. Ha. . .ash the scientist, doesn't have a nice ring to it, but I'll manage

I watched the apprentice last night, friggen three hours. It was pretty good, although it seemed a little artificial having regis philbin, but whatever. I didn't think that kelly would have overwhelming support. It is good to see that the busisness men weren't as dirty as they are percieved to be since the men didn't even want jennifer m. She is by far, the hottest business woman I will ever see. She was smokin in the task with the levis jeans and M&M

This is my last week of big brother big sister for the year. I am very happy that I do not have to drive to Cornell every weekend.

Oooo, I also started hardcore training again two weeks ago. I lift for an hour during lunch. Then, in evening I bike for 40 mins then run for 45 mins. I need to get in shape again. I was barely exercising for the past three months.

2004-11-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving, a time of binge eating, binge drinking, and binge laziness.

I'd like to give thanks for a supportive, but sometimes over protective family, REAL niggas, and my good buddies who are always there to talk to me and keep me in check.

anyways im gonna go shopping early and try and get some good deals and will probably sell some shit on ebay

holla

DAMN IT

2004-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

the last blog i made wasn't stored or posted, so i lost all that info. Not, that it really matters to anybody else, but it's irritating when you put time into something and then it just gets lost.

Aight, I figured since no amount of calf raises or squats are makin my calves bigger or my butt pop out more, I'm going to join the track team. All that running should make a big difference. I'm sick of my skinny calves. Besides track girls have great bodies :)

lab sucks, i finish all my work in like two hours t hen dick around for the rest of the day and have to ask people for more work all the time.

I had 4 tomatoe pies for lunch, at this place called roma's. It's mad good. $1 for one pie. mmmmmmmm

HOLLA ACHA BOI BIG DANE!

2004-11-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

My favorite shows now are west coast customs, desperate housewives, and smallville. Because I love cars, I love women and I love superman.

Aight so plans for today are to change the oil in my car, do some work, and maybe hit up the treadmill. Also, I should work on my fantasy team so that I don't continue to suck. I accidentally dropped a really good player and added a shitty one.

2004-11-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

I think I'm becoming too REAL

Losing all motivation and desire to work hard and make something of myself. In all seriousness, I would be content in life with enough money for a car, apartment, and cable tv, to just sit and watch tv all day. How sad?

It's not like I want to do anything else. I've already decided to be a doctor, so there's no other career path I'd be more interested in because I don't wanna work hard anymore. I'm actually becoming more and more obsessed with cars. I'd love to be a race car driver. . .NOT nascar, but like F1 cuz that's where the REAL skill is. The thrill of speed and the skill necessary to drive F1 is amazing. Me and matt are planning on going to race school for either a few weekends or for a few weeks over the summer. . .that should be really fun if we decide to do that, but i don't think that will lead to a racing career. My parents would certainly not be thrilled, lol.

Omer and I are idiots. We make fun of the dumbest shit, and once we start makin fun of something, it goes on forever. It's all dumb inside joke stuff, but funny as hell. Basically stuff most other people wouldn't find funny. . .here are some examples

this girl's big TICK ass
real's
luke
tyronne
gabe
nicknames for everyone at the gym

I dunno, it's very immature, but makes the day a lot more enjoyable.

I think I should start meditating, because I have the concentration and focus of a 5 year old. Plus I'm always thinking of what's on tv. Like seroiusly, I'm 21 and being this way is not good for me and is probably not even healthy.

I know I bullshit on a lot of stuff that I say I'm gonna do, but I'm going to try and focus on just a few things and make sure i get them done

holla acha boi

21

2004-11-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Aight, this week was aight. Got a new episode of smallville, O.C. started, NBA season started. So all in all, it was aight. The O.C. wasn't that good, like everything got resolved in one episode. The only complication I really see is with ryan's baby. Hopefully seth and family won't lose their house, because it is a beautiful house. Summer looked as hot as ever.

Me and matt went driving yesterday morning. It was soooo fun, racing around. We really tested out the S4. Although the people running/walking on the plantations were not too happy with us going 80mph on the roads. I tried doing a really fast start, but kept jerking the car a little cuz i was releasing clutch too fast. Oh well.

I turned 21 today. Doesn't feel too different. My dad keeps telling me, "You're a man now. You have to be responsible. You can't make those silly adolescant mistakes anymore." As much as I hate to hear it, he is right. Even though my parents support me, I still have to be responsible and work hard to ensure a good future for myself.

2004-11-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

Election Day! But I can't vote. I'm a British citizen. Although there's no reason to get a citizenship since I have a green card I feel just a little leftout when the presidential comes around. Both candidates are morons though. Kerry is too fake, Bush is too stupid. Bush seems more personable, but is clueless on how to run an economy. However, his daughter barbara is pretty cute. I endorse David Kopp for president. Even if I could vote, I don't think I"d take full advantage of it in terms of local politics, but whatever, as my friend matt said "I just want a fast car." Love talkin to him about cars

I have a fast car now! The Audi s4. . .mad fast, 340 horsepower, and it's made for like a formula one race track. . .not just straight up 0-60 muscle. Hopefully I will be able to use a stick shift really well to tap into the full potential of the car. Man I really want to customize this car. My parents said I can get rims. I wanna put in some tv's, playstation and maybe in the future, pop for a bolt on supercharger. I"ll prolly get a new exhaust and cold air intake to get a few more ponies. We'll see though, these things cost money and I don't think it's fair to ask my parents to spend money on stuff that's so frivolous.

Nba season starts tonight, my fantasy team is half injured. . .sigh. As stephen a smith would say
Talk to u later

butterflies

2004-11-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

aight, i keep forgetting to update the blog. I know no one reads it, but i guess it's good to have an source for some emotional output. Also this is a record of my memories and events in my life in which there will be mundane but interesting details I probably will forget. I can look back and muse on a paradoxically ordinary life.

Something that bothers me is that I don't have one person whom I can be completely honest and open with. I have a big inferiority complex, and I've hidden something from everyone that I've ever known, including my family. No one knows how I really feel and what I'm going through emotionally. . .it sounds gay, and i guess it's my fault because of my unwillingness to reveal all of my flaws. Too many things are built up inside of me and I just want to go somewhere isolated and scream until everything is gone from my body. . .just scream out all the pent up tension.

Maybe this is why I'm bad in keeping contact with friends. . .however close I am with a friend, he or she doesn't really know the true me. Because of this I haven't developed a true deep bond with anybody so I don't feel as attached. This is my fault because I'm not willing to go out of my comfort zone with what people know about me. I'll always hide something so that I don't look completely flawed. I won't lie about anything but I'll leave out that minor but critical detail.

Like the thing is, whenever I leave people I know, I don't miss them that much. For example I didn't really miss anyone after I left high school. I don't really miss my family when I leave them. I don't miss my friends or cornell too much now that I'm in utica doin lab. I have no burning desire to keep in strong contact with anybody. It's not that I'm selfish, it's that I don't embrace life. I do things for the sake of doing them and not because I like to or because I want to. I think too far into the future; what will i be in ten years? What do i have to do to ensure that I will be in this position in five years? Stupid things like that. I don't enjoy the tiny details of life such as a good conversation with a friend or a simple hug, or even how good someone feels when you make them laugh.

I just feel unhappy with life, I don't know why, I'm trying to figure it out for myself because I don't think feeling this way will be beneficial at all in the future.

When it comes down to it, I do everything just to survive. I'm going to college so that I can hopefully get into med school so that I can become a doctor. . .Why a doctor, so that I can make money. . .money is a big key to survival. Why am I working at this lab? So that I have a better chance of getting into a good med school, which means I have a better chance of succeeding in becoming a doctor. Am I interested in becoming a doctor? Eh, not really; but I take this path because it is what I'm most familiar with.

I've lost interest in ever having a girlfriend, getting married, or having kids. . .why? Because I've become emotionally colder and colder, less caring in some sense. It's not selfishness. . .like I'm here living now so I guess I have to do something to ensure my survival.

And what does this crap that I've talked about mean? It means that I have no purpose, no purpose of self fulfillment. All this indecisivness on my part is a biproduct of having or feeling no purpose. I think if I have some purpose and direction then I can start caring more about people and life in general, and have some self content.

I doubt this makes any sense but hopefully if i become a better writer than I can explain myself more clearly

wow

2004-10-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

This past week has been terrifice. My parents surprised me with a new car for an early birthday present. They gave me the Audi S4. It's a fantastic car. . .340 horsepower and it's a beast. I felt a little embarrassed because it was all decked out with balloons and etc. . . at the dealership, but i was definiately caught off guard. Imma get rims, install a playstation and upgrade the speaker system

Lab work is going great too. I've been working with mice and such, although the mice do smell bad. AND I been waking up at 7 to go run

I've been really interested in the presidential election for the past three months, and watched the debates . I'll talk about it in the next blog, in da club video just popped on MTV and I haven't seen it in a while so I can't focus on the blog

TRN

2004-10-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm working in the lab for free so I wanted to get another job to make some extra money. So, I decided that the best place to apply would be Wal-Mart. . .it's close to the lab, good benefits, and discount for items that i purchase most frequently. However, knowing how irresponsnible and lazy I can be, I decided to not go to the interview that was scheduled for today because I didn't want to get fired after one week at the job. Moreover, if i worked there part time, I would have no time for anything else. Besides, I have to learn a lot about cardiac electrophysiology and it's easy to learn.

I am at the lab alone right now, the women are having a baby shower for one of the researchers and the guys at eating lunch. Since I"m REAL, i thought this would be a good time to write in the blog!

Tomorrow is my first day of waking up half hour earlier to go running. . .I'm going to be committed to this and hopefully get cut. . .i have the time, there should be no excuses from now on.

P.S

I wanna see how long my hair can get w/out looking too bad

First blog

2004-10-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

xanga was too complicated to use for me. . .i couldn't change my page to the way i wanted it (maybe i'm too dumb :( . . . plus my page lookd awful, so I"m going to use blog